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| wow.. im so close to just swearing off relationships and long term relationships all together.. i just got owned tonight.. knuckles are bruised and swollen and i think i smoked my lungs dead.. fuck.. i f...king hate. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! i need to f..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I HATE.. OMG! | | |
| wow.. feeling rather lonely these days.. *sigh*
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| late night poetry/songs..
Breaking the silence
With the sound of steady violins
Playing me
A long sad song..
Repeating the voices
that keeps me up
All night long
Wont you answer my question
Instead of rejection
How can you expect to live at all?
And I think Ive fall..
en..
IN LOVE
Over and over
Im singing the chorus to my own song..
That I wrote
That the words are derived and I have been deprived by all this love..
Or lack thereof..
Breathing..
Deeply..
Feeling..
Much not like me..
Always..
I think..
What if I was wrong?
But I will hold on..
To these moments..
Open and cherish the romance..
Cause now Im just breathing..
Deeply..
Feeling..
At all not like me
Im wide awake
I cant even go to sleep if I wanted
Im a mistake and my thoughts are just haunted
By the sound of the clock spinning faster and faster
While the pulse of my heart is beating harder and harder
Listening to the sky fade to blue
Wont you take me away from this memory
Take the shades off my eyes and let me see
You.. standing in all of your beauty
Maybe you
Just forgot to say hi.
I love you.. and goodbye
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| 10 random things about me
Rules of the game:
Post 5 Weird and Random facts about yourself, then at the end list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this.
Also leave a post on their xanga to let these people know
1. I fell off a table when I was three and cracked my head open and I
had an out of body experience.. I saw my body lying on the ground as
blood was gushing out.. and I saw darkness with a light at the end of
it..
2. I fell off playing tag with my brother.
3. Walter Wang would give me a blow job if he was a girl.. damn.
4. I have my own constellation which I call the reach stars.
5. I wanna see Aurora Borealis before I die.
6. I once peirced my eyebrow and my lip.. Ive had 5 peircings altogether..
7. I like feeling sad.. it makes me think..
8. I write sappy love songs and sad poems..
9. I don't sleep.
10. I have eaten dog food.
dave, sonny, josh, rich, gook
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| okay.. dont have word on this comp so here goes.. my essay on hope..
They say that hope is but the dream of those that wake. That our
very lives and souls are interconnected with this, among other words.
Without hope one has no future and therefore has no reason to exist. We
would not, could not live without hope because it is our dreams and
desired translated into a more practical word. Hope is like wishing as
a more heart felt gesture that causes us to believe that it could
happen. Hope is so important and can be included into everything
in our daily lives much like breathing. We hope or we die.
We can't really trace hope down to when we first
began hoping. We can however, recount countless times that we have
hoped. The earliest times was when I was a young child standing next to
that fake christmas tree. The ones that you were too lazy to go out and
buy every year and clean up and throw away. You also hate seeing it die
which would mean that Christmas was over. It was dull green and smelled
of plastic bags, and of course no presents underneath it. Sometimes
though, there would be presents even before Christmas.
I would think to myself that Santa must have come
early because there were so many other people to deliver presents to on
Christmas eve. So as I stood there staring at the boxes and oddly
shaped packages that were left there for me to drive myself crazy over.
I would wonder what resided within then, under their nicely designed
and colorful skin. When Christmas would come they would be skinned and
ripped open by me to enjoy their insides. I would pick up a present,
the smallest one that probably held some kind of watch or coal and hope
that when I open it on Christmas it would magically turn itself into a
bike.
That was the hope of a naive little boy. Wanting
something he thought he could have but always believing that he would
get it. The reason we hope so much is because it could happen, and we
want it to happen. Nothing tells it it won't, that or we don't
want to believe it because there might be a chance that it could
happen. We always hope for the best so that when we get what he hoped
for then we would be satisfied for that few moments.
Another reason why we hope is because thats all we
can do while waiting for our lives to end. We pray and wish and hope
desperately that there is a Heaven. That there is something there after
we die so that we have something worth living for. A reason not to
prematurely end our other wise pathetic existence in a cruel and
depressing world. In a Christian point of view, suicide sends u
straight to hell. However, if there was no Heaven then what would be
the point in continuing to live miserable. Also, if there was no Heaven
then there must not be a Hell, or a God.
That would mean everything we ever believed in and
our values would go down the drain. We wouldn't care what we do with
our lives. It is however, impossible to know if such a place or a being
existed without dying and returning to tell people and we all know
thats almost impossible. Maybe David Blain the magician could do it and
broadcast it or something. Since it is impossible to actually know that
such a being or place existed we could only hope for the best. Hope
that our existence wasn't a mistake or that we didn't evolve from
monkeys.
So without hope we would not have anything to look
forward to. I recount a time when my friend lost all hope. He had just
got into a car accident and his car was completely decimated. To make
matters worse his job was delivering food to people. At the time he was
staying at an apartment which he had to pay for every month. His
relationship with his parents were non existing and he was very
depressed because of girls and financial problems. It was a Saturday
night and me and a couple friends went out to this asian hang out spot
up in Edison, some small internet cafe called Fusion.
Since he didn't have a car my family gave him my
brothers old car and he drove it up to Edison. When he finally arrived
he had a terrible expression on his face as if someone had died. He
told us that his car was making weird noises and feared that something
may have broken off or a piston broke. He restarted the car and it
would make the most terrible noise ever, like someone was grinding up
metal bolts under the hood.
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